Strong Day

Today was a hard day. I just didn't feel strong. I felt weak and overwhelmed and heart broken. Today, I just wanted a friend to come and save me and tell me everything would be okay. That all of these efforts I am making to help my husband through his addiction was going to be well worth my time and effort. I just want a magic wand that I can wave and make everything better.
Sometimes I sit back and wonder why I am doing all of this. Why? Why am I staying with a man I can't even trust? Is this really the best thing for my kids? Is this the life I really want for them?

Yet, every time I just want to give up, scoop my precious children up and walk away, something pulls me back and says "not yet. It's just not time. You can do this a little longer. People can change. God can create miracles."
And so I stay another day. I stay and I usually learn and grow. But I find myself asking why the learning and growth have to be so painful. Why I can't learn through happier means. Why I can't have my spouse be there to help me THROUGH trials instead of BEING the trial. Why my kids have to go through this when I tried so hard to pick a person that would never do this to us.

The answers to all of those questions don't always come. Honestly, they might never come. But I am not being strong for answers. I am being strong for my kids and for my God. The more I go through this painful situation, the more I see how very little everything else really matters. My kids and my God are all that matter to me. They are my life and my joy. They are my peace and my happiness. As long as I have them, I don't need all of the answers of the universe.

Today WAS a hard day, but I am stronger because of it. So I chose to see it as a strong day.
Today was a strong day.