The Hangover

It's amazing to me, how many tender mercies the Lord gives to those who suffer. His love and his power have been with me through so many difficult times in my life, and this was no exception.

I woke up the day after D-Day (which really wasn't the only D-day, but I didn't know this yet) and I was numb. Like I had just swallowed a whole bottle of pain killers kind of numb. I mean I couldn't feel anything!
But I was still a mom and I had to get one of my boys over to his scout day camp meeting. It was just down the street, but I couldn't walk. I was too numb. So I drove.
I stood with all of the other mom's, waiting for all of the scouts to arrive so the boys could take off. The other moms looked happy. It was Saturday morning and they were glad to see their boy head out for the day so they could have some time to themselves. They visited with each other and laughed at each other's Saturday morning hair.

Not me.
I felt nothing.

I was there in body only, but inside, I was far, far away. Like I was locked up in some vault to keep me protected from further damage. I could not be touched. It sounds strange, but I do count that as one of the Lord's tender mercies. If I had been able to feel, I might not have made it through those 10 minutes of waiting time with all of those sweet women. If I had been able to feel, I might have lost it, causing my son and myself a whole lot of humiliation and lots of questioning. Questions I just couldn't even answer myself. I needed that protection. I am thankful for it.

I think we often attribute a lot of feelings to the spirit and to Christ and his love for us. But on that Saturday, back in June, I attribute the lack of feeling to the spirit and Christ's love for me. It hurt too much to go through it alone. And as I would come to find out, He let me feel this numbing until I was safe and with people who could help me through the pain. Only then would I feel again. A tender mercy indeed.

After my son got back from Scout day camp, I packed what I could, collected my 6 children and drove the 11 hours to my parent's house. I was still numb. Once in a while a few tears would flow, but it felt like something was blocking the flood of feelings I had felt just 24 hours earlier. It was a long drive, But because I was numb it went by very quickly.

Once I got to my parent's house, I got my kids settled. They had no idea why we were there and I was glad. I put them to bed and then slipped away to the family room to talk to my parents. And then I felt again. Everything. Every part of my soul was hurting. As I related my situation to my parents, the shaking came back. I was cold again. My teeth were chattering. My body was in full blown trauma, but I was surrounded by people who loved me. I was safe.
Another tender mercy.