You Can Do Two More Miles

This past weekend was good for me. (which I have learned to appreciate more than I used to. Good days are hard to come by sometimes when you are stuck in trauma)

I met a dear friend at a Time Out For Women (TOFW) event and we spent two days getting our emotional and spiritual buckets filled. (I may touch on some of the things I learned there, later)

I had to drive quite a ways to drop my kids off at my parent's house and then head over to TOFW. So when the event was over, I was going to meet my parents and kids at a hotel, stay the night, then head home the next day. (my parents were so sweet and got the hotel for us)

BUT, before I met them, and right after TOFW, I typed the address to the hotel into my GPS. I was on a spiritual high! I had just filled my spiritual and emotional bucket at TOFW and I felt like I could totally do this whole crazy marriage to a sex addict thing. And then I got a text from Mr. Broken that changed everything. He had issues while I was gone. Nothing big, but he tried to make it look better than it was and that bothered me. I was instantly tired and upset. So as I was driving, I started talking to God. (because we had just learned at TOFW about the power of praying out loud to God and how that changes chemicals in our brains and bonds us with God. Such cool stuff!)

So I was driving and talking to God. I was telling him I can't go down this road with my husband any more. Not one. More. Inch! This road looks too dark and is too long and too hard. I am tired of confessions and manipulations and lying from someone I have been trying to help. This road is too hard.

All the sudden, the GPS on my phone went crazy. (I didn't know it till later though) It told me "in two miles, continue on I-151"  and then started the 2 mile count down. So naturally I was thinking there must be some kind of fork in the road and I would need to know to stay on I-151.

I got to the 2 mile mark and there was NOTHING. Not even an exit. Just straight highway. And then the GPS showed another 2 miles and said "in two miles, continue on I-151"

Again, I thought "well, maybe it forks off or something. And once again, nothing!! It just put another 2 miles on to my journey and said "in 2 miles continue on I-151"

FOR ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY MILES IT DID THIS. EVERY TWO MILES!!!

I even turned off the phone and put the address in again, thinking it was just messed up and it could be rebooted. Nope! It still did this every two miles.

And then the spirit jumped in and I was taught. God even used the same analogy I spit out at Him. He gave it right back. This road is long. It does feel unbearable. I can't go down this road and not feel overwhelmed. BUT, God is with me every step, every inch, every mile of the way. And He knows I can do two miles. I CAN do two miles! And when I am done with those two miles, He is right there telling me to continue on. I can do another two miles. And then another. And another. And He is there every two miles telling me to "continue on" He is there cheering me on. He is there giving me strength and hope and support. He is trying to help me do this one step at a time so I don't get overwhelmed. And He is there with me, telling me when it is time to stop or time to turn. He is guiding me. I don't need to fear or be overwhelmed about this journey as long as I am letting him guide me.

I really needed that. Yes, this road feels so long and overwhelming and painful, but we are not alone. We have a loving Heavenly Father who is standing RIGHT there with us on this journey, and he is telling us to "continue on" so that we don't have to feel lost. And if we need to stop going down this road we are on with our lovely sex addicts, God will tell us to stop and turn.

And something else I love about this journey I am on is that God puts people into my life that also cheer me on and give me the strength to "continue on."

I am so thankful that God will never have me do this journey alone.